10 Things I Have Learned as a First Time Mom

1. You are on their time.
Newborns have no circadian rhythm meaning they cannot distinguish if it is day or night time. Some things that may help with this are opening shades, bringing them outside, and stimulation during the day. Creating a night time routine may also be beneficial for assisting a newborn in determining it is night time.
One thing about me is that I like to be on a schedule and I hate being late. Having a newborn has definitely challenged me in this way. Sometimes my newborn becomes hungry before leaving or even worse, getting him into their car seat and having to change their diaper. Most people are very understanding that as first time parents and having a newborn, we are more than likely going to be late.

2. “Sleep when the baby sleeps” doesn’t always work.
This is very true when they are a fresh newborn; however, when else am I supposed to get chores done around the house, errands don’t stop, and me time? In the beginning, I would highly suggest sleeping when they do. Once they are a couple months old, if you’re tired and they are napping, then sleep. If you are not tired and they are napping, challenge yourself to do one thing and one thing only. You do not want to overwork yourself or burn yourself out by trying to complete all the chores around the house at once.

3. Make sure to take time to care for yourself.
It is difficult to care for your newborn if you are neglecting yourself so ensure that you are taking time for yourself. Utilize your village, ask for help, and do something for yourself. Not for someone else, truly for yourself. This can be taking a shower, getting your hair or nails done, taking a nap, eating a full course meal, getting a sweet treat, doing a hobby, going for a walk, working out. Anything that you deem as self care that will benefit you.

4. No one really knows what they are doing.
You can read all the parenting books and take all the parenting classes; however, nothing truly prepares you for parenthood. I am a first time parent and my newborn is a first time human; therefore, we are both learning and trying to navigate this new way of life. If you are interested in taking parenting classes, Women & Infants offers a variety of classes. Go to the following website if you are interested: https://www.womenandinfants.org/childbirth-education 

5. If you’re questioning if you’re doing a good job, you’re doing a good job.
As the old saying goes, “bad people don’t worry if they are good”. We can apply the same logic to doing a good job at being a new parent. Bad parents don’t worry if they are being a good parent. Give yourself grace and self-compassion.

6. You will get advice, sometimes unsolicited.
Everyone will be giving their advice as to how they raised their children and what you “should” do and what to avoid. I would recommend listening to what they have to say, taking whatever advice you would like and leaving the rest. Remember, most people are giving advice in a non-malicious way; therefore, try to not take it personally.

7. Exclusively pumping is a lot of work.
There are many ways that you can feed your newborn and no one way is better than the other. In my opinion, fed is best. There’s breastfeeding, exclusively pumping, and formula. My newborn was struggling with latching; therefore, I decided to exclusively pump. The benefits is that my husband can help with feeding at night and other people are able to feed my baby when at family gatherings. Remember that this may not be for everyone and that this is what works for us.At 2 months postpartum, I am pumping 5-6 times during the day including in the middle of the night and averaging 40-50 ounces a day. The way we feed our baby may change in the future depending on my milk supply and how much he eats. The one thing I would recommend is do your research regarding all the options.

8. Be careful of mom guilt and mom shame.
My therapist and I discussed how difficult social media can be and how harsh mom shaming can be which results in increased mom guilt that can develop into postpartum depression/anxiety. My therapist said that postpartum depression/anxiety comes from expectations that we or society puts on ourselves and then we don’t obtain them. Since having this discussion, I have been trying to approach motherhood and parenthood with no expectations which has definitely helped with my self esteem and mood.

9. If you have a village, utilize them.
I used to be against utilizing my village and not because I didn’t trust them; rather, I was afraid that they would see me as incompetent or inadequate. I now realize that I am very fortunate to have a village that is willing to help me with my newborn. Being a first time parent is hard and it’s okay to ask for help. My mother-in-law told me over lunch one day, “I am here to help because no one was able to help me when I was raising my children” and that really changed my perspective.

10. Ask for help.
You are not alone in this even if you don’t have a village. Ask your primary care provider, your OBGYN, or even your pediatrician if you are having challenges with your newborn or experiencing postpartum anxiety and/or depression. Postpartum anxiety/depression is very common as our hormones change. It should be noted that your partner may also experience this even if they were not the ones carrying the child.
Know your resources! Women & Infants Hospital has a Warm Line for new parents struggling with breastfeeding, concerns or questions about your newborn, or postpartum issues. They can be reached at 1-800-711-7011 and remember, you are not alone!